Lessons come in various sizes and shapes, generally wearing a clever disguise.
After being immersed in an intense death phase and forgetting what seems to be real is an illusion, I went out job hunting. My 3-D visible financial resources are low and I thought going back to what was, the 9 to 5 routine, was the way out.
One day I went to a job fair and had a screening interview for a manager position. The interview went well and I received a call that night for another interview the next day. Prior to the second interview, I checked my email. I received an email from my website contact form with the subject line, "Remembering Your Divinity" (part of the current title for my next book). A woman was asking when my second book would be available as she wanted to purchase it! Would I betray the book if I took this job, which would require much more than an eight hour day? Had I forgotten my divinity?
The interview went well even after sharing the nature of my, yet to be completed, second book. Perhaps having this job will provide the money to publish the book, I rationalized.
I moved to the next stage of the hiring process, a critical thinking test which I passed. When I received a call from the company on my birthday informing me they forgot to schedule me for the personality portion of the testing, I immediately noted the timing. Here I am on my rebirth day, as I call it, taking a personality test. While taking the test, I asked myself, "Just whom do you wish to rebirth Joan?" In other words, will you answer from your heart or will you give the answer you think the company wants? Still true to myself, and to my amazement, I "passed" the personality test.
On to yet another interview with some hospital managers with whom I would be working if I got the job. I was half way through the interview when I realized I didn't want the job. It became crystal clear that I would be selling my soul for money. In that moment, I realized how much I needed to write the book and how much I love writing it!
The very last question of this week-long ordeal was, "Do you know Joy Cerio? In the moment I didn't realize the real significance of what he had asked and responded in the usual 3-D manner. It took but a second after my conventional response for me to understand what the universe was asking me. Just add a pause after the word joy (Cerio being my last name) and I think you get the picture! Am I living in joy? Will this job add to my joy? No.
The next day I was notified I wasn't chosen for the position. Of course not. My heart was not in it. I didn't choose the job so why would it choose me?
What the experience showed me was that I was not trusting even though I thought I was. As my friend Mark David wrote in his novel The MoonQuest, you either trust or you don't. There is no in between. I clearly was not trusting.
I did some automatic writing for myself during this never-ending interview process. I wrote that I am at a tipping point. Why not? 2011 may be a tipping point for all of us. Since I wrote this, I have heard this phrase used in various articles and by various reporters describing current events. What huge change inside me is about to happen that will forever change how I operate in the world?
In the shower this morning I played a mind game. I asked myself a series of "what if" questions.
What if I'm really not "from here?"
What if I came here with a divine purpose?
What if every choice I have made so far has provided the ideal experiences to support me carrying out my divine purpose?
What if the past eight years of soul searching and clearing, of unfolding who I really am, was not only for me but had a greater purpose?
What if I totally trust the universe will provide for me?
What if I defy logic and concentrate on finishing my second book instead of looking for a 9 to 5 job?
What if writing this book is part of my divine purpose?
What if I follow my heart in every moment?
What if I remember my divinity?
Sometimes we know something so deeply we miss the forest for the tree. Saying these words tripped a switch within all of my cells and opened a new neural pathway in my brain. Sounds like a tipping point to me? Perhaps now I will live in joy.
As I continue to process this latest "ah ha" moment, I also continue to surrender to the moment of now. Everything happens in the glorious moment of now. Even tipping points.